I'll kick off with....
The England squad went to visit a South African orphanage this morning.
" It's so good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible " said Jamal Umboto, aged six!
And one from Jaime:
A South African boy goes with his parents to a divorce custody hearing.
The judge asks the boy, "do you want to live with your mother?"
The boy replies, "no, she beats me!"
The judge asks, "do you want to live with your father?"
The boy replies, "no, he beats me!"
The judge asks "well who do you want to live with then?"
The boy replies, "the England team, they don't beat anyone!"
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More from Jaime:
Osama bin Laden has just released a new TV message to prove he is still alive. He said that the England Team performance on Friday was completely s**t. British intelligence have dismissed the claim, stating that the message could have been recorded anytime in the last 44 years.
'Heskey,' said the coach angrily after a disastrous match, 'your playing was lousy. You're a disgrace to the team.'
'Don't pay any attention to him, Emile,' said a team-mate, trying to be encouraging. 'He doesn't know what he's talking about. He only repeats what everybody else says.'
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Fabio Capello was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping. He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" To which the old lady replied, "No way. You got yourself into this f*****g mess, don't ask me to sort it out..."
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'Heskey,' said the coach angrily after a disastrous match, 'your playing was lousy. You're a disgrace to the team.'
'Don't pay any attention to him, Emile,' said a team-mate, trying to be encouraging. 'He doesn't know what he's talking about. He only repeats what everybody else says.'
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Rob Green trained today and in 3 hours and 30,000 shots he didn't concede one goal! Tomorrow him and Heskey are going to train with the rest of the squad.
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In class, the teacher is asking everyone what jobs their parents have...
Teacher to kid: And what does your dad do?
Jimmy: He's a stripper in a gay bar and often lets other men touch his privates
After class, the teacher takes Jimmy to one side...
Teacher: Is that true about your dad?
Jimmy: No, he plays football for England but I was too embarrassed to say
Teacher to kid: And what does your dad do?
Jimmy: He's a stripper in a gay bar and often lets other men touch his privates
After class, the teacher takes Jimmy to one side...
Teacher: Is that true about your dad?
Jimmy: No, he plays football for England but I was too embarrassed to say
A South African boy goes with his parents to a divorce custody hearing.
ReplyDeleteThe judge asks the boy, "do you want to live with your mother?"
The boy replies, "no, she beats me!"
The judge asks, "do you want to live with your father?"
The boy replies, "no, he beats me!"
The judge asks "well who do you want to live with then?"
The boy replies, "the England team, they don't beat anyone!"